Sixty Sticky Fingers

It wrings my heart to be a mother sometimes. There are so many things you want for your children. And only so much control you have over it all. 

Today Lexxi came home less than her spunky self. I could tell something was wrong. When we got home I casually asked how her day was as I helped her get a new vacuum bag in so she could do her chore. She said, "good." But it wasn't too convincing. I didn't push it, I didn't want to "lead" her into thinking anything was wrong, so I just asked casually who she played with at recess today. Then as she obviously fought back tears and tried not to let her voice quiver and had a hard time talking, my heart did that twisting thing that only a mom's can do. I asked if she wanted to talk about it, and she filled me in on the fact that the group of girls she had been so excited to befriend over the last week was now giving her the cold-shoulder and purposely excluding her in play at recess. Her recesses were very lonely.

When she was done I gave her a big hug. I told her about a similar thing I remember going through in school and how much I remember that it hurt my feelings. I told her those girls don't have a clue what a wonderful friend they're missing out on to treat her like that and that she should go and look on the playground for another person who maybe looks lonely and could use a good friend like her. I told her that here at home we love to play with her and that she is always welcome.

She cried it out for a few minutes, then she smiled and the familiar Lexxi light lit up her eyes. After a few more hugs she walked off to vacuum the living room.

How I love that girl. Every one of these kids.

There is so much I want for my kids, all moms do. Every decision I make affects them. And there have been lots of big decisions going on in our house lately.

You want to protect them, but you want them to know they have the power to overcome. You want them to experience life, but you don't want others to have power over turning potential good experiences into bad ones. You want them to learn and stretch and grow, yet you don't want them to feel like they have to change to make other people happy.

My heart truly is walking about outside my body. Split in several directions.

I want to make sure my kids always know how incredibly important they are to me. I want them to feel the power they have to be great, to inspire others, to be a light in someone else's life. I want them to grow and learn, but I don't want others to have the power to dim or put out their light.

I know childhood is an exciting adventure. I know as a mother I need to protect, yet I need to let them fly. My kids are great kids. They are incredibly strong and have such amazing spirits.